About the Author

Sue Holt was born in Liverpool in 1967 and is now living Rochdale. Shortly after the birth of her son, illness forced her to leave her job as a social worker. She was diagnosed with manic depression and has since been hospitalised on numerous occasions. In order to overcome her illness Sue developed her creative abilities, and started expressing herself through writing and sculpture. Now, having had her first collection of poems published, she is an effective campaigner fighting the stigma that surrounds mental illness. She has helped set up a group for fellow mental health survivors called 'Freedom' which provides support and training.

Reviews

"Her marvellous collection of heartfelt poetry is written with an insight so cutting, it almost self-mutilates." - Amazon.co.uk "Sue Holt's collection of poems is inspiringly open and honest. It takes the reader on an emotional journey, at times painful and at others, full of joy. Behind Sue's writing shines the power of faith, hope and courage." - Having a Voice "Sue Holt's poetic journey takes us across her rock-strewn life path. We return, footsore and heart-weary, to stand beside her as she diligently polishes the mirror of her own reflection. And we are glad." - Prof Phil Barker, University of Teeside and Trinity College, Dublin "The spontaneous outpourings of a mind in pain." - Phillip Clements, writer, broadcaster and retired priest. Name of Article: Poems of Survival: Christian Poems from a Manic Depressive Amazon.co.uk, Feb 2005 Sue Holt's Poems of Survival are a brilliant collection of Poems about surviving manic depression from someone who has found strength through their faith in God; The themes dealt with are tough; funerals, families, insanity and childhood abuse. Her marvellous collection of heartfelt poetry is written with an insight so cutting, it almost self-mutilates. But you get a sense her writing is freeing her by turning pain into poetry. Pain has a lot to say, and Sue says it eloquently. She shows that abuse can cause mental distress, and she articulates her dismay that the mental health system is adding to that suffering, not taking it away. Poetry takes it away. Name of Article: Sue Finds the Write Way to Beat Illness Publication: The Rochdale Express, 28.3.03 Writing poetry to beat mental illness has earned success for a Wardle woman. Sue Holt, of Crossfield Close, has had a collection of her work published. Through Poems of Survival, Sue Holt, of Crossfield Close, hopes to promote the work of other writers who have faced the same challenge. Mrs Holt was diagnosed as manic depressive 12 years ago. She has been sectioned at Birch Hill Hospital ten times. In 1998 - the year she was forced to retire as a social worker - Sue admits that she considered suicide. She was discharged for the last time in 2000, when, she says, she finally accepted that she was ill. In the same year, she took the plunge, and began to write. She joined a poetry group at the mental health charity, Mind, and they were immediately impressed with her work. She contacted publishers after seeing an advert in the Manic Depression Fellowship Magazine."I carried on writing for a year and got to the stage where I couldn't write anymore," she said. "Basically, I believed that God was talking to me and the poems are my way of putting that into words. They are about my life."The book contains 50 poems written by her and is published by Chipmunkapublishing, which deals exclusively with books relating to mental illness. The collection can be bought from the publisher's website, www chipmunkapublishing.com, priced GBP12 or on order from bookshops. Name of Article: To the Readers from the Author Sue Holt Publication: Healthy Life Styles Healthy Life Styles is a Mental Health Survivor's website. Article available at: http://www healthy-life-styles.com/forum/chipmunk.htm Chipmunkapublishing publishes stories by people who have suffered with mental ill health at one time or more in their lives. They empower mental health survivors by publishing work that major publishers too often ignore. I have just successfully had a collection of my poems published. I was diagnosed with Manic Depression in 1990. Over a period of ten years I was in and out of hospital frequently. In 2000 I picked up a pen and began writing initially to help me to come to terms with the thoughts, feelings and emotions I was faced with on a daily basis. The words flowed freely and helped me greatly. Confidence in myself and my poems grew and I began to show them to others. I was told that they could possibly help those in a similar position, and perhaps those struggling to help someone they love. People also told me that they relate to what they read. For me at that time in my life it was easier to express myself on paper than in actual words. The above book is called "Poems of Survival," it contains roughly 60 poems. You can read about Chipmunkapublishing on http://www chipmunkapublishing.com and also read a poem from my book, and also order copies. It is a real hope that this will empower people to turn their own circumstances around. One of the goals of this publishing company is to reduce stigma and discrimination on mental health. And it is working towards promoting a positive image of mental health and bringing down the last taboo of the twentieth century. It does this by empowering survivors of the mental health system and informing businesses, organisations and the public of how people who are affected by mental distress feel. Name of Article: Poems are Sue's Survival Publication: N/A A Wardle woman, who writes poetry in her fight with mental illness, has had a collection of her work published. Through 'Poems of Survival', Sue Holt, of Crossfield Close, hopes to promote the work of other writers who have faced the same challenge. Mrs Holt was diagnosed as a manic depressive 12 years ago. She has been sec--tioned at Birch Hill Hospital ten times. In 1998 - the year she was forced to retire as a social worker - Sue admits that she considered suicide. She was discharged for the last time in 2000, when, she says, she finally accepted that she was ill. In the same year, she took the plunge, and began to write. She joined a poetry group at the mental health charity, MIND, and they were immediately impressed with her work. She contacted publishers after seeing an advert in the Manic Depression Fellowship Magazine. "I carried on writing for a year and got to the stage where I couldn't write any--more," she said. "I had a lot of thoughts in my head that I couldn't make sense of and nor could any--one else. Basically, I believed that God was talk--ing to me and the poems are my way of putting that into words. They are about my life." The book contains 50 poems written by her and is published by Chipmunkapublishing, which deals exclusively with books relating to mental illness. "I saw it for the first time this week and it is a great feeling," she said. "I started writing for myself and it seems unreal to have a book on sale with my words in it. "Now I hope it encourages others to do the same." The collection can be bought from the publisher's website, www chipmunkapublishing.com, priced- GBP12 or on order from bookshops. Name of Article: Poems of Survival Review Publication: On the Grapevine 20th Nov 2003 Poems of Survival by Sue Holt. Chipmunkapublishing, 2003. ISBN 0954221893. GBP10 This exciting collection of poems by a manic depressive who is Christian, and published by a house specialising in books by and about mental illness, raises two questions: - what is poetry? and What is it like to be a manic depressive clinging on to belief? The first question can easily be answered. Poetry is what you want it to be, and certainly the spontaneous outpourings of a mind in pain are precisely what the author feels and expresses. For an insight into the condition of manic depression or 'bi-polar disorder', and particularly when trying to understand it through Christian belief and living, a kind of answer is provided by these moving verses. Only the sufferer knows what it is like, and as a manic depressive myself, I can empathise with her and vouch for the authenticity of this collection. One recurring theme is the feeling of being alone. Sue writes of "endless days spent in bed alone..." But this is not the same as being solitary. That can be welcome. It is the feeling of isolation through being ill. "But in the insane world I occupy, my usefulness is smallness itself alone in the dark..." Sue Holt writes out of her experience in hospital, indeed locked in confinement at times. Her poetry is often a conversation and a continuing self-questioning, particularly when looking back to memories of her family, and also to memories of abuse that she suffered. She acknowledges the existence of God and of future hope that will redeem her. She writes in 'Broken Chains' of fresh discoveries she has made of God, and of God sitting on "the edge of the pit". This seems remarkable. My own reaction was feeling desertion by God at the worst of times. But for her, God "leapt into darkness" alongside her. In this poem there are touches of the 23rd psalm, but then the psalmist might have experienced similar suffering as many creative people have. The author takes us painfully into the abyss of suffering as in the poem 'Deathly Dark', she writes "the abyss waits patiently, waiting for the next victim..." She writes too of "the abyss gaining strength, Devouring, Consuming." She tells of good days of heightened sensitivity, but of days "just too good", a hint of the extreme excitement of the manic end of the illness's spectrum. The colour and the almost frightening vividness of the imagery of "Dragon Slayer" is another description of mania, as in another poem "Manic Mind". The author's poetic technique is of secondary importance to its imagery and meaning. It is free verse, one might say 'wild' verse, but she clearly enjoys the sound of words, so the rhyming is not obvious, there are cadences particularly in the vowels, so the impression is of a kaleidoscope more than of an artist's palette. Sue reveals so much of herself, of her longing for love, of her pain, of her awareness of God. Her honesty is clear. Perhaps out of her depths and through her poetry, she is helped in the search for salvation. She writes; "She continues to sob and rock with pain. She has been left alone... I hear her whisper that God will hear her.." In 'Revelation' she shows that God is interwoven with her condition. There is another interesting question which she raises for any believer so afflicted... "Is God a helper and is he sometimes a symptom?" This is explored in her poem 'God's Voice in my Head'. Manic depression is about extreme fluctuations of mood, so there are paradoxes in the writing, sometimes optimism and at other times, pessimism. There are instances of great beauty as in "Lonely Boy" and sometimes a savagery of description. The author clearly contemplated suicide and describes this helter-skelter in "Unswallowed Pills". The poems are seeking after self, a search for sanity and the hoping for loving relationships not least with God. Other themes explored are her therapy, the timelessness of her illness, anger, pain and reality; "Oh! How I wish you could see my pain Deep in my mind...' And she also writes of the 'ceaseless chatter in my mind...' Mercifully my own illness has not been as bad as Sue Holt's, but I can say that I have found points of contact with her poetry, and her writing will increase the insight of anyone who has not so suffered." On one occasion when I was ill and under treatment, I went to see the local parish priest. One thing he said which still shocks me was that "a breakdown does not bring glory to God." Such a comment was far from the compassion and understanding of Christ. After reading 'Poems of Survival' no Christian could ever think that. There is glory in this verse, but it as Christ's glory usually was in the incarnation. For the sufferer, this illness is binding but its utterances are wonderfully free. Phillip Clements, Retired Priest, Writer and Broadcaster, November 2003 Name of Article: Sue Holt author of 'Poems of Survival' writes for Mental Health Today Publication: Mental Health Today I began writing poetry in 2000. The poems followed on from over eight sections beginning in 1997 that cumulated in a six month section 1999-2000.1 believed that in all that time I, Sue Holt, was not being listened to by those around me. I was told on a daily basis what I was meant to believe. One day in frustration I picked up a pen and began to write. The words poured from me, giving voice to my anger, pain and utter confusion. As the pen skimmed across the paper the hurt overwhelmed me, at times drowning me, yet I knew within I needed to feel my pain and allow myself to heal. Feelings, thoughts and emotions erupted within me, cascading into words I had been unable to face a hundred times before. I began to find my voice, a voice that had been silenced so long ago. Tentatively, I shared my first attempts and was encouraged to continue, as others felt similar emotions and feelings. I wrote never thinking of what may be, yet hoping one day I would see my own work on my bookcase. Eighteen months later I stopped writing as suddenly as I started. Part of me believed that was the end. I explored methods of having my book printed, even thinking of asking my husband to buy me an expensive 40th birthday present. Then Jason Pegler and Chipmunkapublishing came along. Yet for me to send some of my poems to a perfect stranger was an almighty risk, not in what may come of my poems but opening myself up to scrutiny to another human being. My concerns were unjustified; Jason treated my work and me with respect. Amusingly, though some people I know thought I was taking too much of a risk sending all my work to a guy who at this stage I had only spoken to via e-mail, I responded that I was trusting God that everything would work out. When Jason contacted me to say he wanted to publish my book I was overwhelmed as fears and doubts began The purpose of my book is to offer hope to those who have received a diagnosis of a mental health problem and to show it is possible to offer hope to those who to live a valuable life to creep in. The subjects in my book were kept secret for a long time. I often feared talking to people as I had too many skeletons in the closet, and it was safer to not talk than one of those make an appearance. Here I was opening the door and revealing all that was within to the world. That was a terrifying thought. With God's help I saw that by doing this I could be totally free to be honest both with others and myself. 'Poems of Survival' to me is more than a book. First, it represents a part of my life that is past and it also represents me reclaiming my life. Being diagnosed as mentally ill, I was practically told what I was allowed to believe and think. I believe God 'talks' to me. I believe God helped me to write my book and heal me. I was told I have 'religious delusions'. I chose not to believe this, and my book helped me to begin to say ok you have your opinions and I will have mine, I will no longer try to impose mine upon you so therefore please will you not impose yours on me. All proceeds from 'Poems of Survival' go back to Chipmunkapublishing in the hope that others may be encouraged to develop their creative abilities and in the hope that the current negative ideas both within psychiatry and in society surrounding mental illness can be shattered. Sue Holt Name of Article: Poetry rescues Sue from pit of despair Publication: Manchester Evening News, 04/04/03 Just six weeks after her first son was born Sue Holt was in a psychiatric hospital. Care worker Sue had never suffered but plunged into manic depression after the birth. However, the clouds have now lifted after Sue underwent bouts in hospital and finally got her life back on track - using the power of the pen. Sue, 35, from Wardle in Rochdale, started writing poetry to release the feelings and has now published a book entitled 'Poems of Survival'. It was 12 years ago that Sue's joy at giving birth to her son Thomas suddenly gave way to the onset of depression. She explained: "It was so sudden - six weeks after the birth I was sectioned. It was quite horrific, I didn't know what was happening to me. I had never suffered from a mental illness before and it was the people around me who realised what was happening to me. After that I was sectioned eight or nine times, it was a terrible time." Sue started writing after waking up on January 1 2000 and accepting her illness for the first time. She said: "I believed that at the millennium God was going to change the World but, when I woke up on January 1, I realised nothing had changed. It was then that I accepted for the first time that I was ill. I came out of hospital but I couldn't talk about my feelings, they were all bottled up." "So I picked up a pen and it all flowed out - there was such a sense of relief. I didn't think they were any good but when people read them they said I was writing what was in their minds." Sue now hopes to write a book about her life and to take an art course. She added: "My husband and family and friends have been very supportive. I am very lucky but there is definitely still a stigma attached to mental illness. I wrote the poems for me but I hope they will help people understand something of what bit is like to live with a mental illness." 'Poems of Survival' is published by Chipmunka which specialises in work by people with mental illnesses. Sue has decided to give all proceeds back to the organization to help other writers. The volume is available for GBP12 online at www chipmunkapublishing.com. By Clarissa Satchell